So, we have made it up to the point that I am fed up with my current doc and am proceeding to get a second opinion. I have called and made an appt with a new doc. This is a group practice and while I was wanting a woman, for a change, she was backed up for weeks and I didn't want to waste any time. So I went with the earliest available appointment with a man doctor. I was assured that I would just looooveee him.. Hmpf.. we'll see about that.. I thought I loved my old doctor too..
So the day comes.. I go and we have a consultation.. I practically tell him that I know as much as he does where this ttc thing is concerned.. because I have been so obsessed with all this for so damn long.. and so don't beat around the bush with me. I proceeded to tell him that my prior doctor only focused on my weight and was convinced that that was my ONLY problem. He was taken aback with that and the fact that I, THE PATIENT, was the one who had to ask for procedures that should have been offered to me after such a long period of time TTC.
So after I finished running my mouth at him.. he said ok..here's what my plan of action always is. And he proceeded to give me a list of things he does to eliminate problems.. which I of course agreed with and already knew. So he set me up for an HSG the following week.. went and had that done. OHh let me give you a run down of that little experience..
They set it up for like day 4.. which I would still be bleeding.. and I am not really partial to someone digging around down there while I have the witch visiting. I was assured by several people that it was ok.. and pretty much standard procedure. So fine.. I go.. Now mind you.. the hospital I have this done at is 45 minutes away, downtown Nashville.. So I have that commute.. not to mention once I get called back, and sit there on that cold hard slab for OVER an hour waiting on the doctor to get there, its going on two hours out of my life I can't get back. So he finally comes in.. asks where I am in my cycle.. and says.. DO YOU NORMALLY BLEED THIS LONG????!?!? WTF?? I am on DAY FOUR !!! WILL BE FINISHED TOMORROW!! Anyways,, I am RE scheduled for two days later. So basically .. the whole day SHOT TO HELL!! I go back two days later. Wait wait wait wait wait and did I mention wait on him to get down there. I had taken my advil as to alleviate any pain afterwards.. he comes in and says.. you're all done?? I said yeah.. just like I said I would be. I have been told my every OBGYN that I have had or every nurse that has done an exam on me.. that my cervix sits HIGH! Well he enters.. and guess what!?!? He says wow that's really up there.. this is gonna be tricky. So he works down there for like 10-15 minutes before he can get the thing in my cervix and it stay. All of this I might add was not painful really.. just pressure. When they do this procedure, they take a before shot on the xray. Well she did that earlier before he got there.. and as I sat there..and looked at the screen.. there was the clearest face of a baby I have ever seen aside from the real thing. The tech even noticed.. So I took that as a sign.
So we get done.. I watch the dye go beautifully through my " good looking uterus and tubes" and am released. The biggest pain in the ass about the whole thing was having to wait about having sex for 24 hours.. geez.. can't they tell my looking at me that I NEED SOME NOW?!?!? I mean come on people.. I just came off my period and didn't get any that whole time.. you want me to add another day to it?!?! OK.. I give,, I won't.. all in the name of the baby.
Once we got those results back to my doc.. I should say MY NEW DOC.. he said that he would get me started on 100 mg of clomid.. since OBVIOUSLY 50mg didn't work.. and while I am going au naturale to come in on day 27 and see what's going on in there. Sounds like a plan to me.. hey.. ANYTHING at this point that is progressing sounds good to me!! Well obviously nothing happened and he gave me some progesterone to get me started and started on 100mg .
Well I had no side effects on 50mg .. and just a few hot flashes on 100mg.. He wanted me to come in on day 27 again for a progesterone test and beta test. Well.. my nips were overly sensitive in the few days leading up to that appt.. and the next couple days as well.. I knew something was going on.. no doubt.. Well those tests came back neg.. but it turns out that it was just too soon.. that my sore nips were actually my indicator of ovulation.. cause I did indeed ovulate a couple days after I was tested.. cause I promptly started 14 days after that day.. my chart also indicated I o'd as well.. Even though he had given me progesterone to get me started after the tests.. I held out.. cause I wanted to know.. and the first day I took those meds was when she came.. which he said wasn't because of the meds.. that I O'd. So, even though I did O on 100mg.. he decided to bump me up to 150mg.. and this is when the CLOBITCH enters..
On 150mg.. going along fine.. no big deal while taking them.. about a week after.. man o man at the hotflashes.. it was horrendous.. He told me to come in same day... day 27 to get checked.. but I knew that that wouldn't work because I am obviously gonna O late.. but I went anyways.. cause hey.. this doc wants me to get pregnant.. and I am following orders.. So I go and of course they are negative.. and so he says.. that since I didn't ovulate on 150mg... that he wanted me to go over to the Fertility clinic and get started over there to narrow the problem down. That appt was made quickly and I was over there three days later.
Well.. I am gonna go on a little rant here.. about my insurance. My husband never received a booklet of coverage specific to our plan.. he was instructed to just go to the website to see it. Well the website has everything they cover and everything they exclude.. but not specific to plans.. and to this day I can't figure out how to get to our specific plan.. and people.. I am an intelligent person.. these people are just f'ed up beyond belief. So I can only go under the assumption that quite a bit of fertility treatment is covered. Well.. quite the contrary. The chick before I get to this appointment calls and says.. well you have a 750 dollar deductible and you have met 50 dollars of it.. and so be prepared to pay at leat 300 bucks of that at the visit. and then once that is met.. its 70/30 split... OK.. no problem.. I knew it wasn't gonna be cheap..so I will come back to this in a minute..
I am in there talking with the doctor.. and as luck has it.. I believe I have just O'd.. and so I mention to him that .. and request another progesterone test.. which he obliges..He also performs an u/s.. of which he says he didn't see anything.. not that he didn't see any complications.. he didn't see ANYTHING meaning my ovaries. So I get dressed he talks to me about where we will go from here after we get my prog results.. OK.. go to the counter to pay.. She looks up at me and says.. well someone called you and told you you have a large deductible right.. and I said yes.. So she says.. well you're about to meet that now.. and my knees buckle.. I told her.. UHH I don't think so.. she told me to be prepared to pay as MUCH as 300 bucks NOT the entire thing. And she proceeds to tell me that not only is all this stuff that I previously thought would be covered isn't.. she tells me that the split after paying the deduct is 60/40.. I blew up.. diplomatically of course.. and said.. well I am not prepared to pay that today.. so what do you suggest we do.. but apparently no one can get their story straight.. cause this is the second set of information I have been given regarding the payment.. So she says.. pay me what you can today and we'll bill you for the rest.. FINE.. So I decide to only pay 250 bucks.. and out the door I went.. Crying ALL The way home.. cause did I mention that this doc focused solely on my weight as well?!?!? So I was just like all hope is gone.. this isn't gonna happen..
Well that was on a Friday,, the nurse from the clinic calls and says.. well you were right.. you ovulated.. and at 3 days past ovulation my progesterone was 11.5!!!! OMG!! How fucking fantastic is that?!?! I was sooo elated!! My plan was that I called my obgyn up and tell him the good news and see if I can come in for a talk.. so I set that up.
I go in and talk to him.. and tell him about the money thing and their seemingly incompetance at the insurance deal.. and since the 150mg is working.. cant' we continue on that for a few months and for me to just call him when I know I have ovulated and come in then for the check.. and he says to me.. well since your body is reacting differently then so will we.. and with that he signed me another script for 150mg of clobitch meds..
This cycle goes by.. I ovulate day 33.. go in.. get the tests.. and he checks my ovaries.. surprise surprise they are in there!! Good to go.. progesterone comes back 12.5 but a neg beta.. so I prepare myself for another round..
Which brings us to the current cycle.. but I am gonna take a break and come back and tell about this later. I promise I won't keep you hanging long. haha
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Friday, July 16, 2004
Bringing you up to speed.. part 1
Well, here I am.. about to spill my soul out into the world. You can thank the title of my little blog to my beloved husband.. who thought that while I am pouring my heart out, and it will for the most part be shadows on MY soul persay.. but by wording on THE soul it wouldn't estrange any potential readers who have felt the same thing.. kinda making it a kinship of sorts.. And if you don't agree with that.. I just thought it was kinda cool as well. HA!
So this was created more or less as an outlet.. as most blogs are.. for me to be able to spew forth my daily goings-on and just basically get them off my chest. I have other blogs for your reading pleasure that depict my writing in story form of peices of my life and another one that is a baby book of sorts that entails the story of my son's life. But enough about that... let's get down to the meat and potatoes of the real reason I felt persuaded to write a daily blog.
You see, as many women out in blogland can relate.. I, too, have been struggling with trying to conceive a child for almost three years now. So to give a brief ( as possible) synopsis of the first 29 months of my journey down this road..
I was referred to my Dr. by my sister in law. She had struggled for many years to get and keep a baby.. and in the process buried three babies that never made it to term.. but far enough along to actually have a burial process.. so finally she with his help and another doc he enlisted.. was able to conceive and carry to term and have a healthy baby girl via c section taken several days early. My neice has just turned 3. So how could I go wrong right??
Well my first appt with him concerning our start of ttc (trying to conceive) was on a day in history .. that no one in America is going to forget any time soon.. You got it.. Sept 11, 2001. That day not only marked the attack on America, it marked our journey in beginning to make our son a big brother.
First visit.. went great.. did an exam.. told me I should be pregnant in no time.. to come back in three months if I wasn't pregnant already and we would go from there.. So I started out.. all ready and able to get pregnant right of the bat.. oh me me me.. how silly and naive I was. Three months came and went.. and I was back in his office,, where upon this time.. he says that I am probably suffering from PCOS, because of my annovulatory cycles and LONG cycles.. ( I should add that before going for that first visit, I had not had a period since Dec the previous year.. so yeah.. going on 9 months with out a visit from the witch!).. So he said.. start charting so we can get an idea of what's going on.. and gave me some more prometrium to get me started and bring on the witch. "Take these and come back in three months!"
Three months came and went. I go strolling into his office again.. chart in hand.. I was so clueless about charts and what coverlines were and how to actually tell from my temps that I had ovulated.. He took a two second glance at it and told me yep.. you're annovulatory.. Try doing a low carb diet and getting into ketosis and staying on that.. try losing about 30lbs (oh i should probably mention I am a big girl.. and 30lbs.. well that's like nothing in my world.. anyways,, I digress).. and keep charting and come back in another three months.. These "three month trips" were actually closer to 4 months.. so the next time I returned to him I would be approaching the year mark of screwing my brains out and depriving my husband of getting to "unload" anywhere but in "the bank".. and yes.. that means no porn tit shots or facial shots. He survived, grumbling occassionally.. but he survived.
Well the TTC anniversary came and went.. and the next year was pretty much the same routine.. only he gave me metformin/glucophage to take for the pcos, the pcos that was not confirmed with a blood test btw, and so the stomach rage ensues. Now, metformin is a nasty drug to some.. and me being one of them,, it makes you afraid to leave your house for fear of needing the closeness of your own bathroom. Any type of drug that can "help" you lose weight gives me this reaction.. therefore why I have never taken any weight loss pills.
So when I go into one of my three month appointments, he asks about the metformin and how that's treating me.. and I say.. its the devil reincarnate.. he suggests another drug and says that its more expensive but won't have the side effects or "weight loss help" of the metformin. I say sign me up! This awesome drug he rx'd for me was Avandia.. nothing to do with ttc.. its a diabetic drug.. supposedly to help with the insulin issue I had going on without side effects. So off I go with my new 'script and I am on my merry way! After picking up these and reading the insert for side effects,, it said.. may cause ovulation in women who don't normally do so and risk of pregnancy may occur. Well HOT DAMN!! That's just what I wanted to hear.. so praise the lord.. I have hope!!
Well that elation came and went along with a few more months of NO BABY!! I started taking this crap in late '02.. and I thought it was working.. but still no ovulation and at one point I felt like maybe I did.. and it was drawing in on another three month cycle.. and time for me to take another round of prometrium (which I have been taking every three months to bring on the witch).. Now normally.. I take the 12 pills,, one per day for 12 days.. and the witch shows up roughly 3-4 days after the last pill.. Only when I took it in January of '03.. she didn't show.. and she didn't show.. and still she's absent.. So I take a test.. I see a FAINT FAINT FAINT line... I decide to wait some more.. take another one two days later.. still a faint faint line.. Ok folks I am 9 days out of that last pill and worried.. this isn't like me.. So that night.. she shows.. sneaks in like a thief in the night.. and she parties for NINE FUCKING DAYS!!! I have never bled that long or that bad.. or cramped so horribly. After a week of agony, I called in and asked to have a beta test done to see if it was possible I was miscarrying.. I go in on day 8 of Red River Run '03, and she calls me up the next day.. OF COURSE I have stopped bleeding now.. and says it was neg.. and at least it wasn't what we thought it might be.. but I am not convinced.. I think it was just to late to detect. Ever since I started this agonizing journey .. EVERY test I have taken was so white in the test window it was almost blinding it was so white. So no, I am not convinced that TWO tests would give me faint lines and me cramp and bleed for as long as I did was not what we thought it might be.. quite the contrary.. I believe it was a "missed miscarriage" .. I feel it in my bones.
So for the remainder of '03, he said.. just come in every SIX months unless something happens.. oh and lose some weight! Well I did all of the above.. and that summer after the urging of my interent circle of ttc buddies, to get my levels checked.. since after all this time.. he hasn't done ANYTHING to test for what might be wrong... I do.. and oh wow.. guess what they came back fabulous!! The nurse even said.. these numbers indicate someone much younger than you.. so this isn't the problem! OH YEA!! Now where's my freaking baby at?!?!
As the two year mark rolled around.. I decided to quit obsessing and charting and just let things kinda happen naturally IF they were gonna happen.. and so I went and signed myself up at Curves and began working out relentlessly 3 or more times a week.. and hey in two months.. I lost 27 inches!! Yay me! Well in the process of working out.. One day I was doing errands and couldn't shake this gawd awful cramping I was having on my lower left abdomen.. I said to myself.. I better be popping a freaking egg for this pain!! So, upon this I called my doc and told him what I thought was happening and that if I started in two weeks could I PLEASE try clomid to maybe make it stronger. Well I started in two weeks on the nose.. very very light the whole time.. but by god I started.. which means that I ovulated!! Albeit a WEAK one I did!! Well he rx'd me 50mg of clomid and said call if you get a pos or your period.. Well 50mg wasn't cutting it. So I continued to work out and go about my life. After that light witch visit my three month time frame was upon us again and I asked for more prometrium and more clomid.. only this time I wanted to bump up the dosage to 100mg.. but he wasn't hearing any of that. ( oh i forgot to mention that I asked for an HSG test upon which he replied.." those are hard to do on someone your size and it won't matter if your tubes are clear or not if you aren't ovulating") Well that was in February of this year.. and that was the last straw.. I was getting a second opinion if it killed me.. I refuse to believe that my weight was the only factor keeping me from gettng pregnant.. I mean hell I have a child already.. and I wasn't small when I got pregnant with him!!
So he did give me the 'scripts for prometrium and another round of 50mg.. and I took them.. blah blah blah.. same ol song and dance.. So I made an appt with a new doctor.. and that's where I will pick up with part 2. As the carpal tunnel that was so blessedly bestowed upon me during my first pregnancy has decided to stick around and bug me now and again.. is wreaking havoc on my wrists and hands as I type. Next time we get to the good stuff!
Stay tuned~Rainfairy
So this was created more or less as an outlet.. as most blogs are.. for me to be able to spew forth my daily goings-on and just basically get them off my chest. I have other blogs for your reading pleasure that depict my writing in story form of peices of my life and another one that is a baby book of sorts that entails the story of my son's life. But enough about that... let's get down to the meat and potatoes of the real reason I felt persuaded to write a daily blog.
You see, as many women out in blogland can relate.. I, too, have been struggling with trying to conceive a child for almost three years now. So to give a brief ( as possible) synopsis of the first 29 months of my journey down this road..
I was referred to my Dr. by my sister in law. She had struggled for many years to get and keep a baby.. and in the process buried three babies that never made it to term.. but far enough along to actually have a burial process.. so finally she with his help and another doc he enlisted.. was able to conceive and carry to term and have a healthy baby girl via c section taken several days early. My neice has just turned 3. So how could I go wrong right??
Well my first appt with him concerning our start of ttc (trying to conceive) was on a day in history .. that no one in America is going to forget any time soon.. You got it.. Sept 11, 2001. That day not only marked the attack on America, it marked our journey in beginning to make our son a big brother.
First visit.. went great.. did an exam.. told me I should be pregnant in no time.. to come back in three months if I wasn't pregnant already and we would go from there.. So I started out.. all ready and able to get pregnant right of the bat.. oh me me me.. how silly and naive I was. Three months came and went.. and I was back in his office,, where upon this time.. he says that I am probably suffering from PCOS, because of my annovulatory cycles and LONG cycles.. ( I should add that before going for that first visit, I had not had a period since Dec the previous year.. so yeah.. going on 9 months with out a visit from the witch!).. So he said.. start charting so we can get an idea of what's going on.. and gave me some more prometrium to get me started and bring on the witch. "Take these and come back in three months!"
Three months came and went. I go strolling into his office again.. chart in hand.. I was so clueless about charts and what coverlines were and how to actually tell from my temps that I had ovulated.. He took a two second glance at it and told me yep.. you're annovulatory.. Try doing a low carb diet and getting into ketosis and staying on that.. try losing about 30lbs (oh i should probably mention I am a big girl.. and 30lbs.. well that's like nothing in my world.. anyways,, I digress).. and keep charting and come back in another three months.. These "three month trips" were actually closer to 4 months.. so the next time I returned to him I would be approaching the year mark of screwing my brains out and depriving my husband of getting to "unload" anywhere but in "the bank".. and yes.. that means no porn tit shots or facial shots. He survived, grumbling occassionally.. but he survived.
Well the TTC anniversary came and went.. and the next year was pretty much the same routine.. only he gave me metformin/glucophage to take for the pcos, the pcos that was not confirmed with a blood test btw, and so the stomach rage ensues. Now, metformin is a nasty drug to some.. and me being one of them,, it makes you afraid to leave your house for fear of needing the closeness of your own bathroom. Any type of drug that can "help" you lose weight gives me this reaction.. therefore why I have never taken any weight loss pills.
So when I go into one of my three month appointments, he asks about the metformin and how that's treating me.. and I say.. its the devil reincarnate.. he suggests another drug and says that its more expensive but won't have the side effects or "weight loss help" of the metformin. I say sign me up! This awesome drug he rx'd for me was Avandia.. nothing to do with ttc.. its a diabetic drug.. supposedly to help with the insulin issue I had going on without side effects. So off I go with my new 'script and I am on my merry way! After picking up these and reading the insert for side effects,, it said.. may cause ovulation in women who don't normally do so and risk of pregnancy may occur. Well HOT DAMN!! That's just what I wanted to hear.. so praise the lord.. I have hope!!
Well that elation came and went along with a few more months of NO BABY!! I started taking this crap in late '02.. and I thought it was working.. but still no ovulation and at one point I felt like maybe I did.. and it was drawing in on another three month cycle.. and time for me to take another round of prometrium (which I have been taking every three months to bring on the witch).. Now normally.. I take the 12 pills,, one per day for 12 days.. and the witch shows up roughly 3-4 days after the last pill.. Only when I took it in January of '03.. she didn't show.. and she didn't show.. and still she's absent.. So I take a test.. I see a FAINT FAINT FAINT line... I decide to wait some more.. take another one two days later.. still a faint faint line.. Ok folks I am 9 days out of that last pill and worried.. this isn't like me.. So that night.. she shows.. sneaks in like a thief in the night.. and she parties for NINE FUCKING DAYS!!! I have never bled that long or that bad.. or cramped so horribly. After a week of agony, I called in and asked to have a beta test done to see if it was possible I was miscarrying.. I go in on day 8 of Red River Run '03, and she calls me up the next day.. OF COURSE I have stopped bleeding now.. and says it was neg.. and at least it wasn't what we thought it might be.. but I am not convinced.. I think it was just to late to detect. Ever since I started this agonizing journey .. EVERY test I have taken was so white in the test window it was almost blinding it was so white. So no, I am not convinced that TWO tests would give me faint lines and me cramp and bleed for as long as I did was not what we thought it might be.. quite the contrary.. I believe it was a "missed miscarriage" .. I feel it in my bones.
So for the remainder of '03, he said.. just come in every SIX months unless something happens.. oh and lose some weight! Well I did all of the above.. and that summer after the urging of my interent circle of ttc buddies, to get my levels checked.. since after all this time.. he hasn't done ANYTHING to test for what might be wrong... I do.. and oh wow.. guess what they came back fabulous!! The nurse even said.. these numbers indicate someone much younger than you.. so this isn't the problem! OH YEA!! Now where's my freaking baby at?!?!
As the two year mark rolled around.. I decided to quit obsessing and charting and just let things kinda happen naturally IF they were gonna happen.. and so I went and signed myself up at Curves and began working out relentlessly 3 or more times a week.. and hey in two months.. I lost 27 inches!! Yay me! Well in the process of working out.. One day I was doing errands and couldn't shake this gawd awful cramping I was having on my lower left abdomen.. I said to myself.. I better be popping a freaking egg for this pain!! So, upon this I called my doc and told him what I thought was happening and that if I started in two weeks could I PLEASE try clomid to maybe make it stronger. Well I started in two weeks on the nose.. very very light the whole time.. but by god I started.. which means that I ovulated!! Albeit a WEAK one I did!! Well he rx'd me 50mg of clomid and said call if you get a pos or your period.. Well 50mg wasn't cutting it. So I continued to work out and go about my life. After that light witch visit my three month time frame was upon us again and I asked for more prometrium and more clomid.. only this time I wanted to bump up the dosage to 100mg.. but he wasn't hearing any of that. ( oh i forgot to mention that I asked for an HSG test upon which he replied.." those are hard to do on someone your size and it won't matter if your tubes are clear or not if you aren't ovulating") Well that was in February of this year.. and that was the last straw.. I was getting a second opinion if it killed me.. I refuse to believe that my weight was the only factor keeping me from gettng pregnant.. I mean hell I have a child already.. and I wasn't small when I got pregnant with him!!
So he did give me the 'scripts for prometrium and another round of 50mg.. and I took them.. blah blah blah.. same ol song and dance.. So I made an appt with a new doctor.. and that's where I will pick up with part 2. As the carpal tunnel that was so blessedly bestowed upon me during my first pregnancy has decided to stick around and bug me now and again.. is wreaking havoc on my wrists and hands as I type. Next time we get to the good stuff!
Stay tuned~Rainfairy
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