Oh yeah, Congrats.

As I received the phone call this morning informing me of my second set of betas, I was over the top thrilled to hear they were more than doubling and coming along fine.

As one might imagine, when you have struggled for so long to achieve a goal and you finally succeed, you want to tell the whole world.. and you want to tell them NOW! I have already shared my news with all of my online friends in my mother boards and a couple of real life friends I have as well and they were all super excited for me. I never kept it a secret that we have been trying for as long as we have, so its not like anyone I could/can tell will wonder if it was planned or a surprise.

I have planned on how I am going to be telling my mom. As I make jewelry now, I plan on telling her while giving her a birthstone bracelet that contains my son's and the one that's due. I had planned on going down to her house for the weekend and all of us telling her. Spending the day being joyous and just celebrating that we finally have another baby on the way.

Since my sister lives so far away, but is planning on moving back here in May, I wanted to go ahead and call and tell her. I expected her to be as thrilled for me this time as she was for the UNPLANNED one that resulted in my son. WELL, how wrong was I?? VERY. As I told her, her voice tonation didn't change a hint. She said.. are you kidding me? Really, well congrats I know you are thrilled. I asked if her wife was with her she said yes.. and that she sends her congrats... that was it. No yahooing or over joyment that we had accomplished this feat.. instead she was "surpised" that I wanted to so soon and that we weren't more financially stable.. last she knows we are fine.. but apparently not enough for her. So, I asked her not to tell mom and she said she wouldn't.. but now I am not so sure it even matters. I don't want to tell anyone anymore. Hey thunder?? Where'd ya go?

Call me crazy but I was hoping to get some excited reaction from the family we are telling eventually. I am thinking of now just sending my mom the bracelet and leaving a note that says if she isn't happy or can't be excited.. don't bother calling. I NEED this to be something people are excited for me about.

True we had an horrific year last year, emotionally, physically and financially. But things are turning around for us.. in all of those ways. Yes, I am pregnant about three months before I am supposed to.. but it isn't the end of the world and aside from just not holding on in there, I can't see anything causing this to not go full term. So, now I am all paranoid that anyone of the family we tell will just talk about us behind our backs or give a shit less about it and then "preach" about how we didn't wait longer.. well guess what I have been waiting over four fucking years now.. and its not like I am getting any younger in the meantime, hell if I wait MUCH longer I decrease my chance that much more. They just don't get it.. and fuck them if they don't. So yeah, they will spit out the congrats, but with no more enthusiasm than if I had told them I got another pet.

Well guess what? Fuck them if they aren't happy for me, there may only be a few.. but at least they are sincere about it. And that is better than none. I guess I am just asking too much for a little shared happiness about this. Its not like I haven't earned it for pete's sake!