Well here it is.. we are about to embark on something new and leave something old behind.. and start anew on my road. Here I am... thinking that I may not ovulate this time.. my body knowing that this is my last chance for a good long while to conceive a child.. and with my luck figured it would fail me. Much to my surprise I started getting the signs that the egg was about to make her appearance.. all in the same time as I got a head cold.. lovely! So the past few days have been spent mulling about feeling quite miserable being stopped up, unable to breath clearly, and keeping coughs to a minimum .. you know those yuck ass coughs! Amazingly, I haven't been able to sleep... normally if I can get comfortable for just a few then I am out like a light.. but not this time!! So sleep evades me at the moment.. getting a sense of my luck here? lol
So, one of the endings that is part of a new beginning for me is that my son started Kindgergarten a couple weeks ago.. No longer my little baby.. not even a toddler.. a little boy.. growing in leaps and bounds.. I can't believe that he is five years old .. I can remember sniffing his head as he lay on my chest as a baby after a bath and just being so small.. seems like yesterday...oh how I long for that again. So many people tried giving advice,, as they will do.. about don't hold him too much.. don't let him sleep with you.. etc etc.. but we did what we wanted.. and made sure that the "baby" time was filled with all the things we couldn't do later.. ie.. the holding all the time.. I held him as much as he would let me.. and savored every moment.. He was still crawling ahead of time and walking at 9 months... so that wasn't slowed down..and boy we are so thankful every day that we did.. cause yeah, we get hugs and stuff now.. but it isn't the same as HOLDING them.. or them being so small when you do. He also slept with us till he was 3.. and it took all of two whole nights for him to love being in his new room in our new house.. so not worried about him being in the bed with us when he's in high school.
All the other "advice" we were given were taken with a grain of salt and we raised our baby, as ours.. not someone else's.. which is the way it should be.. unless of course you are neglecting your child or abusing them.. then some outside influence is justified.. but otherwise,, that is your child.. your gift from above.. do your best and always be loving and kind.. so they will know to too. We must not have done a bad job with him afterall.. he is very polite, and almost always.. well mannered ( always would just be a flat out lie.. but almost always) and the tons of TV we have allowed him to watch of pbs.. well he's just a smart kid for that. So today is his first full day.. and we got up showered and talked about lunch and all that jazz.. I figure he will come home starved cause he's going through a picky phase at the moment. It won't be long I will be leaving out to pick him up and hear all about his day.. and do it all over again tomorrow and then throw in some soccer practice twice a week and we're golden! Wow.. he's playing sports already too.. Where has my baby gone?
Another page to be turned soon is that of another child or surgery.. somehow my gut has been leading me on my way to thinking its gonna be surgery. I have my seminar for this new doc tomorrow night.. might as well get that out of the way.. everything out of the way except for setting a surgery date.. and be done with it. I don't know what it is about this time around.. or the pains I had yesterday.. but it felt like I was popping an egg the size of my exercise ball!! I haven't cramped like that EVER! I had to lay down for a while for it to even begin to subside. Even then it wasn't gone totally. God, if this is your way of telling me this is it,, then THANKS!
I am quite nervous about the prospect of having surgery.. many thoughts go through my head about my psyche afterwards.. even though I have plenty need to be in some kind of therapy.. I think I am pretty level headed most of the time, but all of this becoming a reality .. me actually being thin... something I have never experienced.. just kinda rocks my world.. I worry about that. Hmm I feel another blog coming on for that torment!
Again, here we sit,, a growing child entering the "world" so to speak.. leaving his days at home with mom behind... and here I am .. sitting on the brink of conception and surgery. These next couple of weeks should prove to be quite interesting .. to say the least........
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