Are we allowed????

I ask.. are we allowed to just rip someone's head off and reach down their throat and pull out some vital organ??? Cause if we are.. then let me do it please!! This day started off like any other.. except for the fact that my temp decided to give me a royal screwing.. but alas.. I am not blaming it solely on my temp.. I am blaming my whole freaking body..
 
Remember when I warned that I would fall hard because of the unrealistic expectations I had about this cycle.. well.. with the denial I was in yesterday was shoved in my face again today.. I decided to accept it and just be.  So I keep trying to tell myself that well the f'in witch hasn't shown yet.. but then again.. she's not technically due till tomorrow AM .. so I will no doubt go digging tonight to see if spot has found his way to me. 
 
The thing that really sucks about this.. is not just the fact that I am overwhelmingly disappointed and what will happen as I wake up in the AM, but my mother KNOWING this struggle I have.. goes.. oh guess who's pregnant? I turn into super bitch and say.. oh god why did you even tell me and why do I even want to know!?!? She's like well you can't feel ill will to everyone that gets pregnant? NO? REALLY? Well I can if I want to.. they are my feelings afterall.. but I really don't towards this couple.. as they have struggled for as long as I have to have a baby.. and she's due in two months.. and me and him grew up together, as our mothers were good friends.. and we lived just down the street from each other.  So YAY for them.. really.. no, really..
 
I really really want to ram my head through a brick wall right now.. cause it seems everything around me..every noise,,, every thing I look at.. just drives me insane at this moment.. BUT it will pass.. it always does.. so I will keep my composure or at least go take a shower and sob uncontrollably for a little bit.. and wish I had a cig.. cause this is one of those days I could REALLY use one.. but no.. won't go there..
 
The ironic thing about the whole smoking thing is that my DH hasn't noticed that I haven't had once since Wednesday.. and in the event that I do say something to him about it.. he will SAY he noticed but didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to remind me that I want one.. that's crap too.. cause I told him last time I quit for a few days that I would at least like a pat on the back for it.. but.. we'll see.. oh well.. I am miserable now after having eaten and I need a shower and good cry.. so I guess that's what I will do.. tomorrow is THE day.. if you have the witch at your house.. don't send her here.. but to one of your friends you know wants her to show up!
 
So that's me.. signing out!