Like a Thief in the Night

Well even though I had pretty much dashed all hopes of being able to evade the witch this time.. I did still hold out a twinge of hope as I dug around last night before bed (1:30-ish) and came back with nothing.. NADA .. zip...zilch.. squat! So I went to bed and layed there probably an hour with my mind racing and thinking of all the could haves.. and then feeling.. like something was leaking out of me.. reach down. inspect.. still nothing.. Ok.. now my mind is fucking with my actual feelings in the  amusement park area. 
 
I lay there.. and realize that I am as tense as a size 2 spandex on a size 20 person,, and tell myself to relax.  I don't know why, but I always go back to this one session during PE in grades school.. fourth or fifth grade.. where the entire period was to lay on the gym/auditorium floor... and just relax.. She walked around between all the adolescent bodies saying.."ok.. start with your feet and relax.. make sure all muscles are loose.. then lets move to your knees and make sure everything below them is relaxed.. " and so on and so forth till you are at your eyes and closing them.. if you haven't already.  While then, all I could do was look around and watch what was going on.. now for whatever reason I remembered that day and event, I use it now when I can't go to sleep and find myself in spandex type fashion~~muscle wise that is. 
 
 
So I use that technique and what do you know?! I fall asleep.. for about three hours anyways.. It was still two hours before time to temp when I rolled over wide eyed.. so I decided that since it was on the cut off of adjusting.. I would just take it for the hell of it.  So.. here I go.. beep beep beep beep.. I push the button so the little light will come on.. and WHAT OMG ?!?! How can I still be alive ?! It dropped.. dramatically and I knew right then and there, there was no more hope. I tried to think to myself did it feel like she had appeared?? No, I actually still felt normal between the legs.. so I went back to sleep.... Waking up again at temp time.. yeah.. I took it again.. same disgusting drop.. only what I had adjusted it to to begin with.. all the same it still sucked.  Well about this time its pee time.. I reach over and grab the towel I had my hair in before bed and went down for a check.. sure enough.. no mistaking it.. there she is.  In all her glory.  YEE FUCKING HAA.. ohhh can't you feel the sarcasm drippin off that one?
 
I really could have cared less about getting out of bed.. so I peed,  pluged and went back to bed.. and just layed there.. looking out the window and onto the street.. thinking about how I needed to clean the backyard up from the storm we had the other night.. that blew everything all over the place... just in case they come to mow the yard today.. I decided that I would just delve into house work today.. and let that be my outlet.. cause why not do something constructive right? Sitting around crying all day won't make me any more pregnant than doing housework..
 
I really should go to the gym.. as I have only been once in the past two weeks.. and that's just awful of me.. cause I hate not going.. but I am definitely in a slump .. and will pick back up with that after the freaking witch leaves.. cause she is sooooo bad I am pretty much on house arrest till she lets up some.. and the first couple days.. that isn't gonna happen.  I am lucky that I am able to stay home during these times.. cause if I were working somewhere.. I would be in the bathroom every 15 minutes anyways.. and would probably get fired or sent home. 
 
OH sweet Jesus, I want a cigarette right now so bad.. I don't want to eat, don't want to move, I just want one Virginia Slim Luxury Light 120 cigarette to relax me and put off doing whatever for another 15 minutes. 
 
 
So the fucking bitch is here and I get to go one more round to see what we can achieve and then.. well then.. we prepare for the hiatus of TTC.